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[30 Jul 2009|10:02am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 restless |
] |
| [ |
music |
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On the Radio - Regina Spektor |
] |
I wonder when I'll hit that point in my life when I stop wishing it away.
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| Prague |
[27 Feb 2009|04:21pm] |
| [ |
music |
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Bruised - The Bens |
] |
So, I was just sitting in the square beneath the clock tower in Prague. We were drinking mulled wine which tasted really strong, but was good because it's so cold here. It's still kind of weird to think about being in so many foreign countries. Jake pulled out a 20 dollar bill the other day, and it looked so strange to me.
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| Brother Son |
[22 Dec 2008|12:45am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 hopeful |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Break Myself - Something Corporate |
] |
A few months ago, I wrote about a dream I had where I shot my soul mate. I had another dream last night that was similar, but only in the way that I had deep emotional attachments for another figment of my imagination.
I was babysitting some girls in a park, and we were resting in a pavilion when my brother showed up. Not my real brother; this was just a dream brother. He was only a year or so younger than me, and he resembled the guy who plays Peter from the Chronicles of Narnia. I had to get some snacks for the girls so I left him in charge, even though I got this eerie feeling that there was some danger in leaving. The walk to the vending machines took longer than I had anticipated, and by the time I got back, all that was left was the girls' coloring books and crayons.
Of course, my first instinct was that they were kidnapped, and of course, that was completely right since it was a dream. After some detective work, I tracked them down to this building that was in the middle of a long bridge. I walked to the center where the building was gated off. The gate was too high to climb over without being spotted, and I couldn't go around the side of it without the risk of falling off the bridge. While inspecting the gate, I spotted a woman with binoculars watching me from the ground. I knew that this was the woman who had kidnapped my brother and the girls. But there was nothing I could do to help them at the moment, and I was forced to walk back to the beginning of the bridge where I would be out of her sight.
Eventually, some event urged me to approach the building again even though I still had no way of getting to the building. I made it to the gate and saw the woman watching me again. This time I began to fiddle with the lock on the gate hoping that it would give. Instead, they opened fire on me, and I dove to the ground. When the firing stopped, the gate was open. Hesitantly, I peaked over the edge of the bridge and saw the woman with the binoculars dart out of site. Expecting another round of gun shots, I ducked down again. Nothing.
I made a break for the building and made it without any resistance. Inside, it looked more like a rundown old barn than anything else. I quickly realized why there hadn't been a second round of firing; they had had enough time to move my brother and the girls from the stalls on the first floor where they were being kept. I was on the verge of leaving empty handed, without any other leads as to their whereabouts when I got this feeling that I should check more closely on the second floor.
The floor was just one large room lined with cabinets on the far side. I had dismissed it as empty, but I decided to check inside of the cabinets. The first one I opened in the left corner of the room exposed a dark space much larger than the size of the actual cabinet. My brother sat against the wall, wrapping one arm around each of the girls and squinting into the light from the open door. I kneeled on the ground in front of him, and he leaned away from the wall slightly. I put both hands on either side of his face and kissed his temple. I wrapped my arms around his neck and rested my head on his shoulder so that our cheeks and ears were touching.
When I woke up this morning, I was still feeling that intense love. I don't think that I have ever felt that way about a real person. I have never embraced someone with so much feeling. I find that incredibly sad and terrifying at the same time.
For some reason, it made me think and wonder about my future family. More specifically, it made me think about my potential future children. Even more specifically, it made me think about my potential future son. Maybe I just feel as though the only chance that I have to feel so strongly for anything is for my own children... my son in this case since it was another male in the dream. Don't get me wrong, I love my brother and the rest of my family, but not the the same extent that it was in the dream. Probably, because none of them have been in a life-threatening situation from which I could save them.
I guess that sometimes I get caught up in the little details and hardships of life now, that I don't even think about the great things that may come. The idea of a relationship with my son really gives me hope and makes me excited for the extended future. You know? I never think about more than a few months from now, and all of a sudden this idea makes me want something that is really important... instead of the normal feelings of dreading the little unimportant things like homework and finals. It was just enlightening to care so much, even if it wasn't real.
"In dreams, emotions are overwhelming."
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| Couple Updates |
[13 Nov 2008|08:15pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 mellow |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Gone for Good - The Shins |
] |
So many things have happened in my life and so many more thoughts have been going through my head since my last entry. Recently, I have been thinking about a dream I had where I was on a date with Zac Efron, and whether or not I have a subconsious school-girl crush on him or not.
In the dream, we went on a date to see a movie. I suggested that we go see High School Musical because I thought that it would be what he wanted to see. But when we got in the theater he was upset and would only sit in the back row... something about getting recognized, I think. I could tell he didn't want to watch it, so I suggested some war movie that I actually wanted to see. He was so excited about switching movies that he kissed me before we walked out. Somehow we got lost in the theater, and he eventually disappeared. The media immediately interrupted the movie to say that he was missing, and all of his fans started crying and lamenting his disappearance. Meanwhile, I was sitting in the theater behind the HSM movie screen unconcerned, knowing that he'd come back to find me.
Also, in more important news, I am seriously considering adding a pre-vet focus to my major. I'd have to take a bunch of other classes and find some veterinary clinic to work in for a minimum of 80 hours. Actually, it will probably end up being a lot more since the average amount of clinic hours for those accepted into Ohio State's vet program is around 800 hours. The only problem is that since I'm studying abroad next semester, I will have to take the second half of basic chemistry in the summer to have the right credits for organic chemistry, genetics, and animal physiology. I dunno, it'll be really intense if that's what I do. I'll also have to decide when and where I'll actually apply. My best chance is Ohio State since they have preference for in-state students, but I don't know if I'd want to start right after college or have a year's break to travel or get some work experience or something. We'll see, I guess.
Last weekend I went back to Redwolf. We volunteered for most of Saturday, helping to take down an old property fence and an old wolf den. Paul let us play around with the wolves a couple of times, so it ended up being a really terrific trip. This weekend is backpacking in Cumberland Gap, TN. I've got a huge exam on Tuesday, so of course the obvious choice for weekend plans would be a backpacking trip in freezing temperatures.
I got my housing assingment for Luxembourg this week, too. So now I know that I'll be living with the Mersch family and one other Miami student in Luxembourg city for about four months. I wonder if I could do some of my pre-vet volunteer hours with a foreign vet while abroad...
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| Soul Mate? |
[17 Sep 2008|04:41pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 busy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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She Doesn't Get It - The Format |
] |
A relatively normal dream started out on the beach. Hundreds of people were swimming and enjoying themselves in the sun when the horizon suddenly fogged over. A hazy figure in the distance could be seem flying over the water, occasionally dropping down into the ocean and popping back up immediately. Apparently, it was pretty buoyant and couldn't stay under for too long. The craft hovered over the beach displaying its huge claw-like appendages before landing near the forest edge. A voice emanated from the craft, "You are all under arrest. Remain where you are so that you can be collected and brought back to our planet for questioning."
The aliens wanted to capture us, and all hell broke loose. People started running around the beach like crazy while one person announced that he was going to swim to the bottom of the ocean to hid from the aliens since their ship was so buoyant and couldn't make it to the bottom. I ran in the opposite direction into the forest where I found refuge in an old cabin. After I found a gun, I placed myself in the corner of the kitchen where the two hallways met. Carefully observing my surroundings, I held my ground until I spotted movement in the hallway to the left.
I turned and fired two shots into the shadowy figure at the end of the hall. There was no yelp of pain, only slight pause in the figure's movement toward me. He stepped into the light, and I recognized his face. It was Brian. (Now, I actually have never seen this person in real life, and it was defintely not the only Brian that I know. I can't really remember the dream Brian's face anymore either.) I had shot him in the left side of his abdomen, and he had another wound on his head, this one from escaping from the aliens.
I wrapped my arms around his shoulder, crying and begging for his forgiveness. I told him that I was just trying to protect myself, and that I would never kill him on purpose. He smiled and said that he wasn't dead yet. But I knew that I had probably hit some vital organs and that he would bleed internally until he lost consiousness and died... because of me. The rest of the dream was spent hiding in a soccer stadium and praying that I had not murdered Brian.
I woke up this morning terrified that a figment of my imagination was going to die, and I have being having these anxious flashes all day whenever I was struck by something that reminded me of the dream. I just thought that it was rather strange to be so worried about someone I don't recognize in a scenario that never happened.
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| Gerudo Valley |
[01 Sep 2008|04:24pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 cheerful |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Gerudo Valley - Alak |
] |
Did you ever have a dream that was so interesting that you just wanted to keep dreaming it all day? This morning, I woke up and immediately remembered the details of my latest dream. Instead of getting out of bed and preparing for the day, I didn't move and I sort of fell right back into the dream, only this time I could control some of the things that were going on around me. Not really a lucid dream, but it's the closest thing to it that I've experienced. The only problem is that now I am trying to study, and all I can think about is the cool dream and how it would have made a great scene in some action or adventure movie.
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| Dream Heaven Hospital |
[31 Jul 2008|03:46pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Something Pretty - Patrick Park |
] |
I had another one of those epic dreams that seem to last the whole night. The problem with this is that I can't get everything in the dream straight. Where it started, what happened next, when did it end, etc. The basic plot of the dream will have to suffice until I get a chance to sit down and think it out for an hour or three. I was dead, and heaven was hidden in a hospital on earth. Of course, it was a rather large building, but it was limitless once I got inside and realized where I was. Most of the dream was just me wandering around the many floors and rooms of heaven, searching for those I know who have died. One person in particular, although I didn't know who it was until I actually found him.
It was interesting to find an old friend from high school to be the person that I was searching for in heaven. I guess my subconscious has been keeping him in the back of my mind for a couple years now. Anyway, his presence was soothing for the dream-me, even in dream-heaven, and the whole thing just reminded me of the book What Dreams May Come. Odd, but strangly comforting.
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[23 Jul 2008|10:48am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 annoyed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Cemetary Row - The Minus 5 |
] |
So, basically, I wrote a whole entry about my dream and then deleted it all... again. Anyway, my dad was in it. He died. Then I got shot twice in the neck.
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[03 May 2008|10:30am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
content |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Jim Dale |
] |
I always tend to procrastinate during finals time. Harry Potter on tape is one major distraction, but last night was amazing. It was just what I needed to rejuvenate me after feeling so bored with studying. I mean, being covered in dust, crawling through the dusting attic of a chapel with three great friends is something that you don't get to do every day...
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[22 Feb 2008|01:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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cheerful |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Such Great Heights - Iron & Wine |
] |
I woke up on a couch in the middle of the night. I glanced at the laptop screen to see how much of the movie I had missed when I felt a hand running through my hair. "Hi there, sleepy." I looked into his equally sleepy face and felt happier than I had in weeks.
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| Wolves and Ticks and Bears Oh My |
[01 Feb 2008|12:01am] |
| [ |
mood |
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contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Feuilles-O - Simon and Garfunkel |
] |
My zoology professor is making us write papers that will end up being worth half of our grades. It's actually an ecology class, but who's being picky? We had to choose an abiotic or biotic element from a temperate forest, desert, or freshwater ecosystem, and I chose the grey wolf. Our teacher then randomly put all of the elements in groups of three. We have to write our papers on these elements and how they relate to one another. I have gray wolves, ticks, and grizzly bears. I'm not worried about the paper. I'm actually excited about researching something that I am at least 33% interested in for once.
I was doing some preliminary research on the web just now when I came across this picture of a wolf cub. It reminded me of the games we used to play where we would pretend to be animals. I was always a wolf. Unless we were at the pool. Then I was an otter. God, I miss that imagination. Now that kind of creativity only comes at night while dreaming. Better than nothing I guess. It might not could as creativity, but someday soon I will commit to writing all of my dreams down.
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| Tigers and Bobcats |
[30 Jan 2008|12:08am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
chipper |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Force of Nature - Oasis |
] |
Mara got me sick. Well, to be fair, Lee got Mara sick. So, Lee got me sick, and I spent a lot of the day napping in between classes. I had a rather fun dream (especially when considering the most recent ones) about a tiger. It was a relatively normal dream (again, compared to my most recent ones). Mara and I were just hanging out in our room with our pet cat and our pet tiger. Unfortunately, our cat didn't like the tiger too much, and he slid under the open window and jumped out of the room. Well, the tiger wasn't going to let the cat get away so easily, and he jumped out of the windowsill and on to the cat. I was afraid for the cat's life, and I knew that we would get into trouble if the school knew that he was our lion. I decided to try and catch him. I jumped on the windowsill to chase the tiger who was chasing the cat...
But my phone rang, and I didn't get to catch him. Although, later this evening, I was walking by myself through this really eerie pathway to Western Campus. There are a few lampposts along the long walk, but for the most part it's pretty dark. I had just made it past the last lamp and my eyes were adjusting to the light when I spotted a four-legged figure that was less than twenty feet away from me. "TIGER!" thought and stood very still. Seconds later, I decided that it couldn't possibly be a tiger... But maybe it was a bobcat. While scanning the surrounding area for the best place to run, I spotted two more four legged figures. "Shit! Three bobcats are about to eat me!" I thought. Then I realized that I was not sleeping and that the bobcats were actually deer. Three deer who weren't even paying attention to me, much less planning on eating me. I laughed, watched them graze the dark plain for a few moments, and proceeded on to my meeting.
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| No News |
[18 Jan 2008|12:11am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 awake |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Let It Be - The Beatles |
] |
I was trying to think of a good way to respond to the questions I received about the previous entry and this blast from the lj past hit me.
"Of all the ridiculous expressions people use - and people use a great many ridiculous expressions - one of the most ridiculous is 'No news is good news'. 'No news is good news' simply means that if you don't hear from someone, everything is probably fine, and you can see at once why this expression makes such little sense, because everything being fine is only one of many, many reasons why someone many not contact you. Perhaps they are tied up. Maybe they are surrounded by fierce weasels, or perhaps they are wedged tightly between two refrigerators and cannot get themselves out. The expression might as well be 'No news is bad news' except that people may not be able to contact you because they have been crowned king or are competing in a gymnastics tournament. The point is that there is no way to know why someone has not contacted you, until they contact you and explain themselves. For this reason, the sensible expression would be 'No news is no news,' except that it is so obvious that it is hardly and expression at all."
-Lemony Snicket from the Hostile Hospital
So, I regret writing about my current health problem on the internet, but at the time, I needed to vent about it without calling someone up and saying, "Hey, how are you?... Great!... Me? Oh, well, not much. I might have cancer, though." It was a silly way of going about it that probably fulfilled some stupid subconsious need for sympathy or attention or whatever. Oh well.
Basically, the doctor didn't do a biopsy because she thinks that it probably isn't cancer. So, I'm going to wait three months and see if there are any changes, get an ultrasound, maybe get a biopsy, maybe get the lumps removed... I dunno. No news I guess. I kind of feel like I'm wedged tightly between two refrigerators on this one, but maybe I'll just end up being crowned king.
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| Seriously |
[13 Jan 2008|06:28pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
grumpy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Little House - The Fray |
] |
Break was good but I wish that it would just end already. I should be back in Oxford now eating dinner with some friends, but I'm still at home watching movies with my parents. Most of my professors e-mailed me back saying that it was fine if I had to miss the first day.
"No worries - take care of the health situation."
"I hope everything goes alright."
"Good luck with the procedure."
Everyone seems to be taking this more seriously than me. I guess it's just because my mom told me to use the word biopsy in my e-mails. Nobody makes a fuss if it sounds crucial.
Is it weird that I'd rather be going to class then making sure that I'm not part of that small percent that could have a dangerous illness? I wish this sort of shit wasn't intruding into my life right now.
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| Better |
[10 Dec 2007|01:42pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
better |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
You Could Be Happy - Snow Patrol |
] |
Well, I stayed up pretty late last night rewriting my English paper. I don't know why either because it's not due until Friday. I'm still pretty pissed, but I've calmed down a lot. The paper is going to be a page longer once I write the intro and conclusion. I don't know if it's going to be as good or better, but I don't really care.
I had a really good dream last night that summer had just started, and I was at camp. In the dream, I saw the other 2/3 of me for the first time in months and literally jumped into the back of Hans's car to greet them. I was on dischrew again and everything was good. Maybe that's why I'm feeling rather okay about the whole English final thing. The mood of my dreams usually affects the way I feel during the day.
In other news, I had what will probably be my last Miami adventure this semester. Brian, Anna, and I drove to Indiana to do some sweet geocaching. It rained pretty much the whole time but it was still amazing. Maybe I'll add some pictures or some greater detail once finals are over. But for now, I need to get some food and then start working on my Classics final. I just hope I don't delete this one when it is finished. Ten pages would probably be too much for me to rewrite.
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[10 Dec 2007|12:52am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 infuriated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Those to Come - The Shins |
] |
It is amazing how easily one click of the mouse can totally ruin my week. I worked for hours on my English final. It was actually pretty good, considering that it was the biggest waste of my time class this semester. I had another word document open, and I clicked on it to close it and of course my English final is the document that gets closed without saving. Nothing can bring it back. I am so pissed now. Trying to rewrite a good, almost complete paper is like the death penalty for one little mistake. Fuck, I'm so upset.
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| Procrastination |
[05 Dec 2007|12:35am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 distracted |
] |
I spend far too much time dreaming and listening to Harry Potter on tape.
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| Dreams May 20th, 2007 - September 27, 2007 |
[02 Dec 2007|03:21pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Golden Compass [on tape] by Philip Pullman |
] |
I've been having quite a few strange dreams since I got here. I didn't write about a bunch of them, but from now on, I will be posting them here instead of in concededream. Cheers.
[Sep. 27th, 2007|01:30 am]
I was skydiving with Katie, and for a while, we were falling up.
That sounds like some obscure romantic allusion, but it's really just a dream.
[Sep. 13th, 2007|04:03 pm]
I have been a really responsible college student so far, especially when it comes to sleeping. I get a good seven (usually eight) hours of sleep on nights when I have classes the next day. I haven't been sleeping well, though. My nights have been full of really strange and intense dreams. My roommate had a friend stay the night on our futon a couple of times, and he said that I was sucking my thumb one night when I was having a dream about explosions. I'll do my best to recall the most interesting ones.
Okay. One with the explosions first I guess. In the dream, I was Elijah Wood playing Frodo in Lord of the Rings. I knew that I was being filmed and all of the explosions were fake but they seemed really real. I was running through this really rocky area full of cliffs(Mt. Doom?), and the rocks would fly everywhere when the bombs would go off. As I was running, I was freaking out thinking that was going to be hit, but at the same time I kept getting distracted by these shiny things that I spotted out of the corner of my eye. I came to a dead end, and I was forced to climb up. As I was climbing, I slowed down and got a good look at one of the shiny things. It was a shiny purple egg. I got to the top of the cliff, and Peter Jackson is waiting at the top with a big smile on his face. There are eggs everywhere. He looks really thin, and he gives me a big hug while saying, "Happy Easter!"
The others are a little more complicated, so I'll have to write about them later.
[Aug. 16th, 2007|11:00 am]
I had a dream last night that a huge meteor crashed into the earth... and everyone lived and everything was the same as if it never happened.
[May. 28th, 2007|10:15 pm]
TITLE: Otters, Ent, and Camp
I had three dreams last night.
The first took place in a pond. This pond was surrounded by random stairs, hallways, and rooms. I thought it resembled a forest scattered with the broken pieces of a football stadium that happened to blow up. The activity took place around the pond, and in some of the larger stairwells. Buddy was in the dream, and of course he was complaining that someone else was the designated painter of the broken stairwells. The other people on the dream gradually began to find that they could turn into animals, and there seemed to be two of every animal. For example, there were two polar bears and two otters swimming in the pond. One of the otters was a friend of mine in the dream, but she and I were separated. When I went to look for her, I found out about the other white otter. Apparently, the polar bears killed one of the otters, but no one knew which one died. I spotted the body of the dead otter at the bottom of the pond, and a littler girl jumped in to see if it was my friend. She came back up, and said that it was impossible to tell which was which. (I guess she could see under water or something...)
This dream ended abruptly and sort of meshed into the next.
I was shopping with my mom and my sister, and I was searching for a white sleeveless shirt to wear with a magenta skirt that I found when I came upon a movie projecting on the wall. It was a kind of documentary on the random things you see in movies. Little things like when you only see hands, or when you're supposed to see an actor holding something. This documentary posed the question: do the major stars do all of these random stints or do they hire hand-doubles or something to fill in for them? The documentary seemed to focus on the Ocean's Eleven series, and I guess that the general opinion was that it really is the celebrities doing these things. At the end of it, George Clooney walked into the room and said that asking if actors actually do these things is as silly as asking, "Is it really Thursday?" My mom and my sister freaked out about George Clooney being in the room, and I ran off to get my camera. Unfortunately, I ran into a monster instead of my camera. This monster was about a foot tall and resembled an ent. He was a devil-like creature that tricked people into giving him their souls in the form of one-inch dolls. When he had enough dolls, his actual form, which reminded me of a wet ferret with sharp, bloody teeth, would sneak out of his ent suit and hide them in a hole in the wall. This devil thing tried to trick me, but did not succeed. Instead, he decided that he wanted to steal my mom and sister's souls. Of course, I grabbed his ent suit to try and stop him, but he only wiggled his ent feet and laughed. I guess his suit was indestructible. The rest of the dream consisted of me chasing him around when he left the ent suit. Eventually, I found his hideout for souls. I packed them all in a box and took them away for safe-keeping.
Again, another abrupt end and another meshed beginning.
I was in the dining hall at camp helping Kelly (my boss) with something, when I realized that I was late for check-in. All my campers were going to arrive, and I wasn't there to talk to them or their parents. I ran up the hill, and was almost to Inca Village when I heard my name called over the PA. I was sure that the village director was looking for me, but the problem was that I didn't know what village I was supposed to be in. I asked everyone I saw on the way to the director's office but no one knew where I was supposed to be. When I got to the directors office, they told me that I was in cabent 10 in Inca Village (which doesn't really make sense but whatever it's a dream). Then Stacey, Ayla, and a nameless director escorted me to my cabent which was right next to Dearing Lodge (which doesn't make sense again, but whatever). I began to relax when I saw that none of my campers had arrived, but when I stepped into the cabent I saw a sleeping bag on the upper bunk. That was cool, too, as long as it was only one. The girl showed up in the cabent, but every time I turned around another camper and sleeping bag were there, and their parents were already gone. I then decided that the tent flaps needed to be put up (because they were somehow all down), and I asked the campers to help. Only when we were halfway through the first flap did I begin to question why one of my campers was a boy.
[May. 21st, 2007|08:45 pm]
TITLE: Clocking Cop
I was in the car with my mom and my sister. This guy my sister knows was supposed to come with us in the car, but he was pissed at her for some reason and walked away. Nothing else really happened. We were in the car driving on the freeway, and a cop was next to the median clocking people. He would hold up a number of fingers for however many miles you were going over the speed limit. For example, we were going 27 mph, and the cop held up two fingers. I'm not really sure when they changed the speed limit on the highway to 25 mph, but whatever.
[May. 20th, 2007|01:11 am]
TITLE: The Snowy Slope
I was talking to some friends the other day about a strange dream I had, and I realized that this has become regular thing for me. I like to talk about my dreams and listen to others' dreams so I decided to make a community dedicated to the sharing of dreams. Here we go...
Last night's dream:
It was like I was on an over-night track meet. A bunch of girls and Coach G were on a bus with me in the middle of winter. The strange thing was that I was the only one there that was actually on the track team. Besides Coach G, the only people I remember from the dream were two girls. One's name is Nicole, and I don't remember the other girl's name.
We needed a break from the bus, and someone spotted a snow covered hill overlooking a frozen lake. I jumped off the bus and sort of surfed onto the hill. As I got further down the hill, the snow rose higher and higher until it reached my waist and stopped me completely. Everyone sort of did the same thing until we flattened enough snow to slide almost all the way to the bottom of the slope.
I was the first one to go down the completely cleared slope, and I went so fast that I couldn't stop myself from slipping underneath the fence at the bottom of the hill and onto the lake. I didn't know if the ice would support me, so I stayed very still as everyone rushed toward me yelling and screaming. The ice didn't crack under me, so I grabbed the fence and pulled myself off of the ice. Upon seeing that the ice would hold, everyone else decided to rush onto it.
At the top of the hill, I decided to empty the snow out of my shoes. They were red sneakers, not the normal heavy duty boots that I wear outside in the winter. This wasn't strange to me as I tore them off.
I got back on the bus and listened to my iPod as I waited for everyone else to return. I drifted off, and when I woke up the bus was just beginning to move. I freaked out because my shoes and my coat (somehow) were still outside. Coach G let me off and I ran in the snow (apparently barefoot) to get my coat... only my coat. I guess I forgot about the sneakers because as soon I saw them I was filled with surprised. They were full of slushy snow, and I started banging them on the ground to get all of the snow out.
And then I woke up.
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| September 27th, 2007- November 5th, 2007 |
[02 Dec 2007|02:18am] |
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Shine - Carbon Leaf |
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I miss concede_believe, and I hate everything else. I don't care if all of my pictures are gone. I will make this journal better. I have decided to add all the entries from other journals to this one (although, they'll be out of order) to create a more complete volume. Each enty will have the date, time, and comments just to make it even better. Go me.
I shall start with surrender_trust.
05 November 2007 @ 11:15 pm
I'm really liking the idea of undergraduate research. I like the idea of co-majoring in zoology and environmental sciences. I like how I'm finally reading a book for my English class that I might actually enjoy. I like that I just studied all afternoon/night for a microbiology exam that won't go towards my major or count for Miami Plan credit. I like the idea of not taking Spanish next semester. I like the idea of studying abroad in New Zealand. I like the idea of going to Costa Rica for a few weeks right after school before everyone will be home. I like how this entry has no point.
COMMENTS: glass_radical on November 7th, 2007 12:48 am (UTC)
english class reading material? enjoyable?!
i'm....not quite sure....if I understand.....
surrender_trust on November 7th, 2007 04:18 pm (UTC)
I know. It's a new concept for me, too. I'll let you know how it goes.
swallowed_zen on November 7th, 2007 01:28 am (UTC)
I like that you stole my double major and will probably do better because that's just how you are. Even if I've had this dream for awhile, I can't be jealous that you'll outdo me because that just means one more person out their doing something great. And besides, now we can work together FOREVER, not just in the summer.
But you're still a thief.
surrender_trust on November 7th, 2007 04:22 pm (UTC)
Well, your just sweet and you obviously picked the best major. What else could I do but copy you? So, where are we going to work in four years?
22 October 2007 @ 08:53 pm
I just wrote a short essay about how I want a grant for undergraduate research in life sciences. I don't know how much of it was true, but it was written really well. I guess I'm lucky that way. Sometimes when I write it just comes out right. Like it makes a point in a smooth and intricate way without me having to think too much about it before hand. I dunno, I guess I just wanted to express my gratitude for that because it's something that really has nothing to do with talent.
I went to West Virginia this weekend. Brian lent me a really good book called Blue like Jazz. It answered some questions and posed some more, but I think I'm going to read it again in a few weeks and take notes.
The trip was great. I found out that I really like backpacking, and I really want to go backpacking around Europe for a few months this summer. I doubt that it'll work out, but you never know. Lucy did it the summer after her first year in college. I don't want to be a copycat, but it's a really great idea.
I really like having options. And opportunities. And writing. Oh, man, it's not even November, and I'm feeling really thankful for a lot of stuff.
I guess I'm thankful for that, too.
COMMENTS: swallowed_zen on October 23rd, 2007 07:38 pm (UTC)
It's good that you're happy. But something about this makes me want to gag. Like if I didn't know you, I'd probably hate the person who wrote this because they're so fake. But I do know you. Does that make it okay?
I love you though.
surrender_trust on October 24th, 2007 12:07 am (UTC)
Well, I'm feeling rather oddly lately, and I'm doing my best to describe the feelings but it's harder than it sounds. It's best just to generalize at this point. I guess thankfulness just seems like the most accurate word for it.
I dunno. I don't want to sound fake.
We have some stuff to talk about, in any case. You'd better be coming this weekend.
14 October 2007 @ 10:00 pm
Okay. I just got back from this freshman non-denominational Christian group that Brian helped put together. It made me think a lot about some random things, none of which had anything to do with the central message of the meeting, but that's okay.
I've never really been much of a public kind of religious person. I guess I was always more comfortable with a private faith. The idea of going to church was always unattractive to me, but I think that going to these kinds of things is really helping. They aren't church exactly, but the concept is the same. I think I might just be uncomfortable with watching other people express their faith. It almost seems different than what I feel. I mean, I know that it is supposed to be different for each person, but I just feel separate from everyone else in this kind of situation...
Shoot. This isn't coming out right.
Do you ever have an idea or a thought that you wanted to express or share with someone else, and the words sound right in your head, but just get jumbled on the way out? Yeah, that's me all the time.
Okay... let me try this again.
I feel like I am an observer of life, rather than a participant. I just spent the whole weekend in the middle of a forest in Indiana. It was an experience that should have brought some sort of feeling back. Like camp-sickness or realization of the beauty of life or sadness about missing out on the fun activities on campus or something. But I got nothing. Not even frustration at the fact that we spent the entire weekend trying to build a metal building that should have been up last Monday. Key word: trying. Hours of work got us nowhere, basically. Anyway, time is just flying by, and I think I'm having a good time. At least I'm not feeling sad. But then again, I'm not particularly happy either. Busy is a good word. Not an emotion, but you know.
Crap. That didn't come out right at all either.
Perhaps I shall sleep on it and try again another day.
10 October 2007 @ 08:14 pm
Whenever I go to an some sort of academic advising session, they always tell me that I seem to be really well-adjusted and that I seem to have things under control. It kind of makes me want to laugh every time I hear it, except for the fact that I hear it a lot. Could it possibly be true or am I just a good actor? It's almost an identity crisis.
COMMENTS:
redwindmill11 on October 11th, 2007 04:25 am (UTC)
I had a meeting with my First Year Enrichment "coach" about basically just being a first year student and stuff...she told me that I had things "under control" and that I seemed like I knew what I needed to do to get ahead and reach my goals.
I've never felt more clueless about stuff and yet i just nodded.
College is wack.
30 September 2007 @ 02:50 am
I've just been having a really long, really personal discussion about religion and faith. I'm really messed up and really clear at the same time. I feel wanted and useless. Enlightened and thrust into ignomity. My life is a paradox. I'm making progress, though, and that makes me hopeful. One thing is for sure... things are moving in directions that I never expected. Oh, the beauty of college.
COMMENTS:
Songsparrow96 on September 30th, 2007 08:18 am (UTC)
Life is a Paradox Think of it as Paroxysm...Your on your way!
religion is the practice of faith one puts in action...Faith is the evidence of things not understood that one ask to come to be,and confidence/promise/honor that is pledged to us...Paroxysm is...passion,excitement,fire,submission and gain. Dear surrender_trust keep your focus...God maid you perfect criticizing yourself keeps you in confusion ... Have more assurance your on the right track you just spoke that yourself...relax your not your professor don't fail grade yourself.It's not about being wanted or useless the fact remains your needed! Your sense of direction/devotion will see you through Believe in yourself and rest on our loving God of Grace as He has granted you a pardon take the opportunity to renew your passport and all the rest will follow and be there when you least expect it because answers come when we seek them on time! Best wishes and fondness I leave you with always:
songsparrow96
27 September 2007 @ 01:44 am
So here we are again. My last journal is a waste of space since all of the pictures got deleted or something, so I decided to continue on here. From concede_believe to surrender_trust. See the parallelism? Good.
Well, I don't think that I'll be posting pictures here. At least, not exclusively. We'll see. I kind of miss it, but I'm also really busy with college or whatever. Speaking of, I have a microbiology test to be studying for... I guess that's why I decided to make a new journal.
I have a lot to say about college, I just can't seem to organize it properly. I can't decided or commit or focus. It will sort out eventually, I'm sure. I've felt faith again for the first time in years, and I am unbelieveably excited about it.
Oh, microbiology... yeah.
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